How she feels inside
by koeghls
Summary: Mai's true feelings for Zuko, starting when they were kids


When he was banished her world changed. She had silently crushed on him since they were children. She couldn't stand to be away from him, but when he was near her heart pounded so loudly she was sure he would hear. Her friends would tease her; mostly just Azula, but Tai Lee would pitch in now and again. It embarrassed her; how could the prince of the fire nation, the most powerful nation on earth, look at her like she looked at him? Surely he thought she was a silly girl. But then sometimes, when she looked at him, she thought she saw something in his eyes. But she was always quick to dismiss it.

Still, she dreamt of a future with him; perhaps he would take her as his bride and she would the fire lady. She would fantasize about it, about how life would be. She would be dressed in the finest robes, have servants wait on her hand and foot; she would have everything a lady could possibly want. But all she really did want was Zuko.

But the day came when he was banished. Her heart was torn into a million little pieces. She wanted to cry, to scream, to unleash her full fury, but her parents expected her to be a calm, quiet child. She had her family to think about; so she remained silent around people. But she cried herself to sleep every night for a year, still having nightmares about the agni ki. She wished she had never watched as the love of her life was scarred. It was the most painful thing she had endured yet.

She wrote him letters. Every day she wrote a new letter. At first they were filled with confessions of love, but as the months passed by she began to despair. And though she wrote him every day, she couldn't send the letters. She couldn't stand to think that her love would be unrequited. He had other things to think about, how could he waste time thinking about her? So she kept ever single letter, hidden away in a little black box, tucked away in her room.

Azula did not understand. Tai Lee of course did, trying to console her, trying to get her to show her true feelings, but she just bottled them up. Azula would torture her, constantly talking of the dual, or of how her brother was a disappointment, or how weak he was. Anyone who loved him must be the same, she would say fiercely. It crushed her inside.

And then Azula came to her, demanding that she join her in the hunt for her brother and uncle. How dare she demand such a thing, she thought. How could I possibly hunt him when my heart still aches for him? But she thought perhaps if she were there when Azula caught him, she could save him. She could persuade Azula to let him go, or perhaps she could help him escape. She would become a fugitive of the fire nation for him. Of course, she kept these emotions hidden.

This feeling, though, was strengthened when she saw how Azula had forced Tai Lee to leave her life at the circus; Azula could be so relentless, so forceful. She knew nothing about how to treat people. She only knew fear. And Mai didn't want any part of it.

When he came back home as an honored prince, her heart couldn't have been happier. The prince of the fire nation, the love of her heart, was in love with her, too, she discovered. For once, she had someone she could express herself to. Someone who she didn't despise. But it couldn't last.

He left her alone again, and this time of his own accord. He broke her heart on purpose and she swore she would exact revenge. How could he do this to her?

But when she saw him in that prison… He looked so pathetic. But, at the same time, something was different. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but she knew he had changed. She had been made to believe he was the bad guy now, being the enemy of the fire nation, helping the Avatar, but she couldn't help but see something better in him. She began to question everything she had been raised to believe.

And when Azula arrived, not hesitating to kill her own brother, to kill the love of Mai's life… she had to do something. She had to protect Zuko, even though he had crushed her. She had hoped it would never come to this, but she had to choose between Zuko and the fire nation. And she chose him.

She was sent to a cold, dark prison cell. She was given no contact with the outside world or anybody. And she despaired. She knew that he would never come for her. She would die in here. Still, though she would never see the sunlight again, she did not regret her love for him. She saw his face always. She dreamt of him when she slept and said silent prayers for him, hoping that against all odds he would prevail. But she knew Azula too well. Zuko had no hope.

And then one day the doors were opened. She was being released. Could it be? She thought.

Yes! It was true! Zuko had won, the war was now over and Azula had been defeated! Though a million questions rang through her mind, all the wanted to know was where he was. She needed to see him. Needed to touch him, to be near him. She only hoped he still wanted the same from her.

She walked timidly to his door. Perhaps he didn't want that. He had duties now; he was the fire lord. He couldn't possibly have time to think of her now. Still, if only she could just see him.

She walked in silently. And there he was, looking magnificent in his robes, standing in the glory of the sunlight, the aid to his natural element. She felt weak at the knees.

And he turned and saw her. She watched as a smile spread like wildfire across his face.

"Mai," he said, and she knew she would be his forever.


End file.
